He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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