My sheets look like a crime scene.
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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