The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
i'm transferring to degrassi. i don't care that it's severely canadian. classes are five minutes long, there's no actual work and you can get oot of class whenever you want to go have a dramatic scene with someone in the hall
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
