Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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