Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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