When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
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