dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
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