left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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