saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
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