I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
