you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Randomize
