I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
