sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
