I can't breathe out the right side of my face
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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