I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
