Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
