Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Randomize
