I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I pretty much just wake up, masturbate at least twice, and go to the beach. #Unemployed. I do look for jobs in between all that tho.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
