Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
