she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
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