There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
I just dont understand why you didnt cut me off when I took the funnel into the bathroom and started peeing and funneling at the same time
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Yeah I went home with her... She had me take off everything but my shirt and from across the room goes, "Now dance. Just dance that dick over here"
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
