Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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