the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
