Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
