bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
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