You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
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