i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
