Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
Randomize
