She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
