If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
