why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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