She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Randomize
