so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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