Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
