new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
i now understand why vodka
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
