i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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