Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Randomize
