You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize