i just snorted my name. best moment ever
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize
