Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
