your parents love me but you hate me
Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Mom said you looked used
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
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