in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
