i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Randomize
