you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
