My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Randomize
