He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
if i can run in heels then i can drive
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
