I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
