In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
