I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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