It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
