You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
