I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
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