how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
