And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
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