if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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