The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Randomize
