bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
