But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
