Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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