the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
