Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Randomize
