Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
I just found puke in my bra..
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
