well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
