I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I intend to get homeless drunk
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
My dad sent me a 10 ft beer bong and my mom sent me ideas for future careers. I'll let you guess who my favorite parent is. Also, come over tonight. and bring beers.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
