We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
