babies were throwing up all over the place
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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