I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
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