ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
