i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
